Dear Diary,
I know last time I wrote I was rather unhappy and just well irritated at the raw deal I felt the world had dealt me on that particular day. I also know that I haven’t written in a couple of days but I have been both very busy and very tired. I know I owe a nice long entry today but I just cant handle that right now I’ll most probably write later anyway after I’ve had some sleep and after I’ve completed my washing mission.
Right! Here I document the fact that I kept to my word and have almost completed the entire pile of washing that has, until this day, been glaring at me reproachfully. Now all i have to do is get babies washing soaked and nicely put away but that’s not nearly as stressful as all the adult washing I’ve just managed to plough my way through. This is on top of having gone out on long trecks in to the rough world of bill paying and necessary shopping that I just couldn’t avoid.
So, I have fat feet [swollen] and a really sore back.
Cant wait for Darius to come home and massage me.
xxx
Unhappy…
Dear Diary,
You know, I feel a little stupid because this morning or lastnight or whatever you want to call it I was all over the moon in love. Now I am just a tad bit sad and undecided as to how I’m supposed to feel. I know, that I will quite possibly be happy again a little later and I’ll give him half the benefit of the doubt and lend some of the blame for my sadness to my pregnancy hormones but well, life really is unfare isn’t it?
I’ve always thought that bragging about my happiness in love tends to jinx it and something not so nice happens, or the floaty happy overjoyed feeling goes away leaving me feeling stupid in love and well, blah blah blah.
He came home, not early but not too late mind you and things went relatively well. We were both happy and he kissed me, and touched me, and things were altogether rather mushy. He cooked us something to eat and we watch some Star Trek. Smiles. Yes Star Trek surprisingly I actually like that program. Anyway, I don’t exactly know what went wrong but then I felt tired and went for a little sleep on the couch and he started to watch his movie or whatever he was watching I seriously have no idea. At this point things are stil good… but when I woke up everytime I spoke to him he would just snap and I don’t really want to relay our conversation line by line because well I just wouldn’t be able to portray how I felt just by doing that and it probably would sound a little silly and stupid because it”s a real “had to be there” kind of situation. Eventually he got up and decided he was ready to go upstairs to bed, by this stage I just wasn’t particularly interested in being around him so I got up and went to use the computer since he was finnished with it. Little did I know, that he had disabled the internet connection within the controll pannel and well, I consider myself ok with computers but I had no idea how to enable it again, in fact I didn’t even think of going to the controll pannel. He knows that I’m not all that good with computers and so I am pretty sure that he did it on purpose so that I wouldn’t be able to use the internet.
When I went upstairs he of course clamed that he meant no such thing, and that he’d only disconnected the internet because he thought someone had guessed our password and was using our connection. Funny, that he didn’t disable the wireless connection so he could stil use the internet on his phone, and wich, is the most likely way someone could be tapping in to our network.
Did I mention? That there is this girl at his work? Lorain or Lauren whatever the hell her name is he says it differently depending on [I don’t know]. Don’t like her one bit. Don’t really know why. I’ve only met her briefly once, but I have a bad feeling about her. Nope!!!!! Don’t like her at all.
xxx
Hmmmmm, pretty tired?
Dear Diary,
So I guess i didn’t really keep my word about posting yesterday but I am totally about to fill you in as to why. The party I didn’t want to go to?… Actually was pretty good. I rather enjoyed myself actually, I have a lot to say or well at least I have a lot in my head so I don’t know if I will end up spitting it all out but I will definitely give it a go.
Firstly, I slept most of yesterday, after Darius got home we hung out for a long while and just had some quality time. I have to say things with us have been going really really well lately, I am really happy, happier then I have been in a long time with our relationship. It’s not like things are or have been horrible it’s just I think we are really in a good place with things right now and I think we’re both enjoying it. Well, i can’t speak for him can I and he’s so private with his thoughts that I don’t know what he thinks about the situation but he hasn’t complained wich I take as a good sign.
So i went off on a little tangent there my apologies but if I had my way I would go on and on about how incredibly happy I am wich would be boring so I’ll move on and come back to that later.
So, I slept all day yesterday after we had quality time. You should know by now that my sleeping schedule is totally screwed because well it just is. Mostly because Darius works night shifts and I like our time together. Plus, i don’t much like sleeping alone, I cant really sleep well without him near me actually… Here I go again tangenting. Smiles.
I really didn’t want to go yesterday and so I procrastinated in getting up, thinking of excuse after excuse to not turn up. In fact, the whole time I was getting ready, in my head I was half going and half not going. I had a shower at the last minute like seriously, half an hour before we had to leave. I picked out what I was going to wear in a big fat hurry, I did my hair in the absolute last minute and, I even let Darius walk out the door to go to work without me. I really almost didn’t go; but then he came back for his work ID and told me to hurry up because he knew that deep down I really did want to go and so we went and he dropped me off at Mel’s on his way.
The weather was horrible, absolutely shocking, it was pouring and freezing cold and just altogether not very pleasant… blah blah blah.
So I had heaps of fun, everything kinda started at Mel’s I was stil a bit funny about being there well because I didn’t know how everything would be with all her friends even though I knew most of everyone who was going to be there. Plus, she just wasn’t all that happy to begin with because her and her boyfriend had broken up because she found out he’d been you know with someone else and they’d had a big go at each other. Anyway, Steph turned up wich turned out to be a really good thing; and even though she was really depressed at the start and all she could talk about was her broken up relationship. We all soon got to laughing and though I had never really spoken to Steph previously I reckon I’ve made a really nice new friend. She’s awesome.
When us three all got to the pub everything just went from there, I was drinking fizzy while everyone else was attempting to get drunk although most people were pretty broke just like me. Hahahahaha. The food was good the company was awesome I laughed a lot and had a great time. Leeann was there, she’s a really nice woman and I get along with her really well I met her not long after we moved down and I consider her a good friend. I really enjoyed talking to her and it was good catching up with her. All I can really say is… it was flippin awesome. I could say more you know but well, I would end up rambling on for ages and we cant have that now can we. I left at like 10.30 with Hayley who drove me home. I really didn’t want to leave but Hayley and Mel too thought that me waiting for Darius to finnish at 1 was way too much for me to handle. CJ and Steph came over about an hour later though to get the X-Box so they could play Cd’s when they went back to Mel’s and I decided to go back with them because, like I said I was having a really good time.
So after the pub [we left at around 1.30ish] we went back to Mel’s to chill out and relax. Darius came too and well, that was pretty nice as well. I really had fun being around other people I don’t get to go out much and I don’t really have all that many friends in Christchurch so yeah, it was cool. Darius was great everything was just great, as you can tell I really am feeling really positive. Smiles. I love life right now. Apart from you know that I have a crap load of washing to do and a total not crap load of energy so I have hardly got any done? But, as you as my witness I will do it tomorrow yes I will and then I will document the event right here.
So, now I believe I have earned the right to be love sick and ramble about my darling who is thankfully due home in less than two hours. I so cant wait to see him. I feel like an idiot, but I love being love sick it is such a nice change to being annoyed at love and life and well the world in general. I hope lots of people feel the way I do right now.
I know todays entry has really just been a crap load of ramble and “it was really great and awesome and lovesickness” but I like it like that. Oh, and I ate lotes of water melon. Oh, and Mark who was there lastnight too… is really odd. And just for the record, I really don’t like CJ very much and she had really stink feet. Now that!!!!!!!!!! Is where I am going to sign off.
xxx
Today… Yesterday’s Tomorrow.
Dear Diary,
I had a very nice day today. Well, I don’t know about the very nice but nothing went wrong any how. I had my antinatal blood tests today wich included a glucose test. Now in my oppinion the glucose test is one of the worst tests in existance. Firstly, you cant eat anything within 12 hours of taking the flippin thing wich was a mission in itself because, being pregnant I feel as if i am continuously hungry, and secondly, the test requires you to have three separate needles. Not only that but to make it all worse you have to sit there for two hours while they take blood at the beginning, middle, and end of that time. Luckily my man was there with me reliable figure that he is so I wasn’t too bored, the appointment was at 7.45 this morning though so I was exhausted.
One funny thing, there was this man sitting near us in the waiting room, he was reading the newspaper and [I think] ocasionally dozing because every time he drifted he made a very destinctive Pig noise. Now, for an hour and a half I held in my laughter, it is impossible to describe just how accurate his pig sound was, I thought I was doing rather well personally. Then, Darius noticed and heard and I absolutely split my sides and face with laughing. I just couldn’t stop, and poor Darius couldn’t stop either and I was making myself look like a complete idiot; and after that every single thing was funny. I think sitting in that stuffy waiting room for so long was driving me a bit insane. We even had to get up and walk away, quite honestly the best and funniest part of my day.
It was nice too because Darius and I don’t often get much of a chance to laugh together like that. Well, we laugh together but that unrestrained uncontrollable kind of laughing bearly has a chance to occur so I very much enjoyed it.
After the blood test we went bill paying wich is my least favourite thing to do if only because watching all that money go in to someone else’s account is rather depressing. In the process of paying our rent we managed to get waylaid by the counter lady and some other random bank person, trying to sell us ensurance. Marvelous idea and yes we really should be ensured but seriously, I was fricken starving and you should never keep a pregnant woman away from food otherwise you may find yourself in the rather unpleasant position that Darius often finds himself in nowa days; having to listen to complaints and then having to deal with the indecisive “hmmmmmmm what am I hungry for?”
We had Subway anyway and then came home where I promptly lost all consciousness and fell in to a marvelously deep sleep.
Now I am here alone because Darius is working and although I am rather lonely I feel content. I want to get a lot done but really I don’t have the energy and I cant be bothered and well, why should I be? I’m looking forward to my man coming home, and we’ll have a nice shower together and then hopefully another fabulous sleep.
Oh how I love sleeping, sleep is good. Really good!
I will post tomorrow I don’t know when though because in the evening I have to go to Mel’s birthday party wich I am partly dreading because Darius isn’t coming with me and I think I will end up mostly sitting by myself. Plus everyone will be drinking or already drunk, and i really don’t want Mel to think she has to sit with me the whole time because it’s her birthday and she should be having fun.
Well, untill then…
xxx
me, myself, and I.
Dear Diary,
I’m not exactly sure why I wish to be known by this alias. I guess it’s because I feel as if I am standing on the threshold of my life, and I am filled with uncertainty. Do I cross the line? Or do I continue to linger half in the past and half in my present. Or have i already crossed the threshold and maybe i just don’t know it yet. Well, a toast to the life I have lived so far, and a toast to the life that I have left to live. here I have no choice but to step over that threshold.
ABOUT ME.
I am just a girl, a woman some might say all though I am not used to calling myself that. In fact, I should get used to calling myself that because not only am I a “woman,” I am a mother to be. Yes! In less than one month my life partner and I will be blessed with a Son. There is a lot of background to this story but it is very complex and so I believe that all will be revealed eventually. I’ll just say that he is not our first baby, but he will be our first surviving baby. I have a daughter also and her name is Miyah.
I am 20 years old although I feel like I have lived twice that long. I will be married next year in January and I am generally a very happy and positive person. I love music; I sing, play the Piano, and the Flute.
I love to write poetry, and I love to read.
I have two younger brothers who I adore, my family means the world to me although I don’t live very close to them. I am often homesick but I am looking forward to this new beginning… Having a family of my own.
Thats enough for now I think.
My next post will be life, life, and more life. I hope a day in the life of Me, is not to boring.
xxx